Mr. and Mrs. Konege

I know I’ve talked about it before…but this past weekend, my friend Mary got married!! Now, I’ve been to a wedding before (my host sister’s) but this time I was informed of even more details since I was the best lady/maid of honor.

Mary first met Fila in her village and saw him for the first time when he was in his garden. She had seen him before and even somewhat tried to avoid him because she knew she thought he was cute. However, she found out the other volunteer in her village at the time; worked with this guy and he had asked the other volunteer to show him how to use the computer. Mary convinced the other volunteer to let her show him the computer and Mary and Fila ended up talking for several hours. They took things slowly but a relationship was starting to form and grow. They officially started dating in September 2010 and later would get engaged in November 2011.

Mary and Fila were in his garden and Mary was bent down trying to get an onion out of the ground. He was telling Mary that he loved her and wanted to be with her. She kept saying I know I know. But he kept saying he wanted to be with her forever. So she turned to him and told him to say what he wanted to say…to ask what he wanted to ask. And he said, you know what I am asking. And she was like No no…you ASK. So he asked Mary to marry him. And she said…Shut up! Haha. But she knew he was very serious and said YES! I find it so fitting that he proposed to her in his garden! It was where she first saw him and can be metaphorically seen as the starting point in their relationship. And before we all knew it…their love for each other grew. Just like any plant or flower in a garden. When I first met Mary, she told me she was not going to get in a relationship here and she did not want to have kids. Now here she is…married and Ive heard her and Fila talk about what they will name their future children!

So leading up to the wedding, I had to attend several dance practices and had several meetings with the seamstress for our dresses. Dance practices were exactly what they sound like. Mary and Fila decided they would know 2 dances; the best man and lady would do 4 dances; and the rest of the bridal party would do 6. Now when I say dances…I mean more of a march/dance/processional in. Its hard for me to describe but someday there will be videos up (just not now bc when I try to upload a video it literally says…approximately 2085 hours till upload). Ill admit the seamstress was a bit of a headache seeing how she didn’t really do the greatest job on the dresses; she was finishing things up until the night before; and she seemed to have her own agenda (in terms of what the dresses would look like and when they would be done. But needless to say…it all got done and turned out okay.

So I wanted to talk about the traditional type things that went on. But please forgive me for not getting this all 100% correct. There were several occasions when Mary was talked from one house to another with the elders. And some are somewhat “secretive” ceremonies only for the bride and married women. But Mary had the patlo ceremony on Friday morning. This is a traditional “receiving” ceremony. It usually involved a delegation of the grooms family (led by the uncle) going to the bride’s family to ask for the brides hand in marriage. Mary had a pseudo Botswana family for these traditional ceremonies (her counterpart) but her real parents were present. Its held in the very early hours of the morning and technically by Setswana tradition is when she is seen as officially married. During these ceremonies, the elder married women also discuss with the bride on how to be a “wife.” I know she was told how to make a bed and several other things. But for the most part, its kept a secret until its your turn to get married!

Anyways, the day of…I got up at 4:30am to do Marys hair. We found the day before that she had to do another traditional ceremony so needed to have her hair done by 6:30am instead of 9am, like we had originally thought. Everyone kept telling us to do her hair the night before but they didn’t understand that if we did that, it wouldn’t stay like their hair! So while she was doing another ceremony; the bridesmaids and myself started getting ready around 7:30am. We Mary over at her pseudo Botswana house (her counterparts house) where we would all get ready. We then walked in a processional to the cars, which brought us to the church. (There was a lot of walking/processionals everywhere we went.)

Once at the church, we had to wait for the groom to get there. There was a bit of arguments between the two families as to how certain things were to be done; which we all found to be interesting. One family told Mary to enter the church with Fila; but then the other family came and made us walk back into the church with Mary being led by her parents. The church ceremony was pretty standard. Singing, dancing, and the pastor spoke a few words. Rings and vows were exchanged. The couple kissed and were blessed. Then every person in the church came up to the bride/groom/best man/best lady to hug and say hello. Then the ceremony was fiditse!

After church, the wedding party went to the Big 5 Lodge to have photos taken! Haha we all thought it was funny to be there (since it’s the lodge we 1st stayed in when we 1st got to Botswana). We then made our way back to the reception, but first drove around the Kgotla. And while we’re driving there was a lot of honking going on!

The reception consisted of us all dancing in and lots of pictures being taken. I think everyone loved seeing the lekgoa’s dancing! The bride/groom/best man/best lady all sat at the head table. There were 2 people emceeing the program. First we heard from Mary’s counterpart and introduced her family; followed by Fila’s uncle who introduced his side of the family. Next, Marys father said a few words; followed by Fila’s father. Then the best man went up to give a speech; followed by me! (I wrote the following speech but COMPELTELY forgot that they might translate it. So it was TWICE as long but nothing I could really do!)
 
 Dumelang borre le bomma, 


For those that do not know me, I am Caitlin—Marys best lady. Mary and I met when we both started this crazy adventure we call the-Peace Corps together. Neither one of us had any idea how many tears, laughs, experiences, and stories we would share together. We’ve become great friends and I cannot imagine my service without her. Now, Even though I cannot share stories of Mary growing up; I can say that I’ve seen Mary grow during the 2 years that Ive known her. She has grown in her work; in her relationships with her students; and in her love for Botswana. 


But today I want to talk about how she has grown tremendously in love. In love with the man sitting right here. Mary first saw Fila in his garden and later it would also be the setting in which he proposes to her. And as all girls like to talk…Mary would talk to me about this handsome young man she had met. And of all the things I remember most…it’s how Mary could not stop mentioning his smile!! As they said in Jerry McGuire…”you had me at hello” but in your case…Fila...you had her when you smiled! 

At first, I think Mary had some hesitation in starting a relationship; since she would only be living in Botswana for two years. But she talked with friends from home and she talked with friends here. In the end I think we all told her to follow her heart. And since we’re all here today…we know her heart led her right to Fila. 


All of us sitting here today feel so honored to be part of your special day. Marys parents flew here from the United States several days ago to be here for Mary and Fila. They represent the love and support of family back home. And Fila’s family is here, representing love and support from family here in Botswana. Today, we celebrate not only a wedding of two people; but we also unite two families. 


Now, the two of you have some big changes ahead. And just like our Peace Corps experience…there are going to be ups and downs. But what I do know is that the two of you will learn more about each other than you could have ever imagined and you will grow together. 


To Mary- You gave me quite the surprise when you told me you were getting married. But I could not be happier for you. I feel so blessed to have gotten to be part of all the wedding preparations and chosen to be the one on your right side. You are an amazing friend and cant wait to see where you and Fila will be in several years down the road. Perhaps little Michael’s running around?? *wink wink* 


To Fila- Ke nnile le sitsala ke ntlha ya botsalano jwa me le wena. Ke boitumelo jo bogolo mo go nna go bo ke kopane le wena. Le fa go ntse jala, ntetlelele go go kopa sengwe, o tshwanelwa fela ke tlhokomelo ya tlhwatlhwa. Re tla kopana kwa states. 
(One friendship can lead to another. In being friends with Mary, it has allowed me to begin a new friendship with you. I am so happy to have met you. However, I have one favor to ask of you. Love her with everything you have. She deserves nothing but the best. And I’ll see you in the states! )


So now I ask that we all raise our glasses. I wish you both all the happiness in the world. To Mary and Fila…

So after my speech, there was some entertainment and food was served! I was SO glad because I was STARVING! After lunch, we were brought back to the house to switch clothes.

In Botswana, its very traditional to have more than one attire shown at a wedding. In most cases, the uncle of the bride is the one who has to give permission and is usually the one who receives the cows/money/bride price. I find it all very interesting that it is the uncle and not the father. But anyways, so the uncle usually pays for the bride to have several outfits to show off during the wedding. In Marys case, we all paid for our own outfits but we still had to have 2 attires ha. So we changed and danced back into the reception. Some dessert was given to the head table/VIP guests…(no cake!). And gifts are opened by the emcee’s and shown to the crowd. Also very interesting that the bride and groom don’t get to open their own gifts! And then the day was pretty much over! There were a lot of people who continued to party, eat, and dance but all of the wedding party was exhausted so we retreated to sleep!

The day was a huge success and I could not be happier for Mary and Fila. Mary is my best friend here and I could not be happier for her!! Fila is a great guy and I cant wait to see where the future takes the two of them!! I’ll be sad to say bye to her in June (she’s staying until Oct) but I know we’ll see each other in the states!

*So sorry there are no pictures. Blogger is not cooperating and wont let me add photos right now! Ill try to put some up later.*

But check out photos at: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100585549865249.2613908.7813917&type=3&l=d493bebf6b